Welcome to The Naked Nowletter! My community is for those seeking a deeper connection with their true essence and a more intimate relationship with themselves, others, and the unseen world. We explore authentic communication, connection, and what it means to get Naked in the Now. Each week, I share a personal story, enriching thoughts, and juicy practices—plus occasional links to articles that inspire presence and transformation.
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Nobody Wants Advice: Not my granddaughter. Not my husband. Not even me.
Published 6 months ago • 3 min read
Hello Kindred Spirit!
Nobody wants advice. Not really.
At least, that’s what my four-year-old granddaughter reminded me.
Last weekend, June was saying goodbye to her mother, who was leaving for a five-day business trip.
As the door closed, June ran to the bedroom in tears.
After a little while, I went in and sat beside her.
“What are you feeling?” I asked.
“Sad,” she said. “Mommy’s gone and I want to snuggle with her.”
Of course she did.
I told her I understood. And then—because I am a helpful, loving, problem-solving adult—I added, “Maybe you could snuggle with someone else?”
June looked at me and wailed even harder.
“Noooooo!”
She fumbled for the right words, trying so hard to express herself. Then she straightened up, looked at me imploringly, and said:
“Amma! It’s not like that!! When you miss someone, you don’t want to snuggle with somebody else. You want to snuggle with them!”
She Was Right
That stopped me.
She had a point.
But even more than that—I had forgotten my first rule:
Nobody wants advice. Not really. And only if they specifically ask for it. Even then… tread lightly.
I looked at her again, softening.
“Yes, I see what you mean. You’re feeling sad. It’s okay to feel sad. Can you think of anything that might help a little while you’re feeling sad?”
June paused. Really paused.
We were having a real conversation now.
Then she said, “I think when I’m sad, going in the hot tub helps. And when I’m mad, going to my room and reading books—or having someone read to me—helps.”
I was momentarily stunned by her innate wisdom.
And Then… I Did It Again
Not long after this, I got another chance to relearn the same lesson.
My husband had had a rough day digging in the dirt and was really sore. Still, he decided to stick with his usual routine: PT and strength training every other morning.
It was an “other” day.
Earlier, he had asked me to research a laser machine we were thinking about getting, so I was upstairs doing that while he was downstairs working out.
Soon, I had some answers and went down to share what I’d learned—completely absorbed in being helpful, not noticing that he was struggling.
Suddenly, he snapped:
“I do not have the psychic energy right now to talk about this!”
I was taken aback. After all, I was doing what he had asked.
So I responded, “You know, maybe it’s not the best day to work out. You seem really tired and grumpy.”
He stopped. Put down his weights. And walked upstairs without a word.
At the time, I didn’t fully realize it—but he was mad.
Later, he told me it felt like I had cursed his workout—something that was already hard, but that he was committed to doing.
And more than that, sticking with his plan was what actually made him feel better mentally.
There it was again.
I had forgotten the golden rule:
Nobody wants advice.
The Urge to Fix
This is one of my most practiced lessons.
(Practiced… because I fail at it so often.)
When I feel helpless, I want to do something.
I want to offer a magic word pill that will make someone else feel better.
And I come by it honestly—with love, with care, with the best of intentions.
And still… it rarely works.
We Are Not Problems to Solve
The truth is, we humans are complicated beings.
We have different bodies, different brains, different histories, different conditioning.
And most of the time, we actually do know what’s best for us.
Sometimes we get stuck. And in those moments, we reach out. We ask.
In those moments, we may be open to hearing what has worked for someone else.
In those moments, advice can land.
But otherwise?
Advice often carries an unintended message:
“I know better than you.”
And that is a devastating message—to give and to receive.
Affectionate Witnessing
What I’m learning—again and again—is that love doesn’t always look like helping.
Sometimes, it looks like listening.
Sometimes, it looks like sitting quietly beside someone in their sadness, their frustration, their effort… without trying to improve it.
In my work, I call this Affectionate Witnessing—the practice of being with what is, just as it is.
No fixing. No redirecting. No subtle (or not-so-subtle) message that something should be different.
Just presence. Just curiosity. Just trust.
Trust that the person in front of us has their own inner knowing. Trust that, like June, they may surprise us with their wisdom—if we give them the space to find it.
Maybe This Time…
And maybe, the next time someone we love is struggling, we can pause before offering our brilliant, well-intentioned advice…
…and simply ask:
“Do you want me to just listen, or are you looking for ideas?”
Welcome to The Naked Nowletter! My community is for those seeking a deeper connection with their true essence and a more intimate relationship with themselves, others, and the unseen world. We explore authentic communication, connection, and what it means to get Naked in the Now. Each week, I share a personal story, enriching thoughts, and juicy practices—plus occasional links to articles that inspire presence and transformation.
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