Welcome to The Naked Nowletter! My community is for those seeking a deeper connection with their true essence and a more intimate relationship with themselves, others, and the unseen world. We explore authentic communication, connection, and what it means to get Naked in the Now. Each week, I share a personal story, enriching thoughts, and juicy practices—plus occasional links to articles that inspire presence and transformation.
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Ahvioope: The Juicy Art of Listening and Being Heard
Published 5 months ago • 4 min read
Hello Kindred Spirit!
We spent the morning coloring—notes for a stuffed unicorn, a birthday card for Jay, and a Mother’s Day card for Sanni.
Juney, my granddaughter, carefully dictated a fun message to Jay about playing monster and a sweet one to her mom about reading books together. Then, we moved on to the next game.
A bit later, Juney paused and asked, “Where is the ahvioope?” I blinked. “The what?” “The ahvioope,” she said again, slowly and earnestly.
“Ahhh… vee… oop.”
I was still lost. “The ahvioope?”
She looked at me like I should really get it by now.
“You know...the box for the card!”
A lightbulb went off.
“The envelope!”
I burst out laughing, delighted by her ingenuity. She beamed, proud to have communicated her meaning so creatively and calmly. Message received.
Moments like that remind me how much we all long to be understood—and how easy it is to miss each other in conversation.
As I reflected on what I wanted to talk about this week, this little story kept coming to mind.
A Closer Look at Communication
As George Bernard Shaw put it:
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
We long to be seen and heard. It’s essential to connection, belonging, ease, and personal growth—or as I say, to being naked in the now. And yet, it can be tricky.
Our inward journey toward peace may be ours alone, but we share this life with others—and the quality of our relationships matters deeply. Often, a failure to communicate stands in the way of intimacy and ease.
It’s worth learning how to communicate better.
Ahvioope Moments
What do we do when we try to express something and the other person doesn’t understand?
Ahvioope.
We can try harder, get louder—or get more creative: a box for the card.
And we can take responsibility for how we’re communicating.
The other day, my husband Jay was having a rough time. We were borderline bickering, both on the edge of defensiveness. I finally asked, “Are you okay?”
He said quietly, “I’m having trouble communicating. I’m not very good at it.”
Something in me softened. His words weren’t defensive or blaming—they were vulnerable. He was owning his side, and that opened my heart.
I remembered something from my training: learning to listen is essential to learning to communicate.
And the most powerful tool I’ve ever used is reflective listening.
Why Listening Matters
My book Naked in the Now is about the inward journey to our authentic being. But we don’t live in isolation. Our relationships tend to either deepen our presence or amplify our suffering.
At the center of relating is communication.
I included an entire chapter (Chapter 8) on small but powerful communication tips that have helped me over the years. The cornerstone of that chapter is Practice #20: The Art of Listening Reflectively.
We all yearn to be heard. When communication begins to falter, we often think we need to better explain our point of view. We may speak more forcefully and urgently—but instead of creating connection, this usually entrenches us more deeply in our separate perspectives.
We think: If I could just explain it better, they’d understand.
Ahvioope. It’s not working.
What’s needed is something entirely different-- not more words, but more presence; not more clarity, but more curiosity.
The Magic of Reflective Listening
Words often fail us. A phrase that feels innocent to one person may carry heavy baggage for another. Communication is messy. It’s human.
But when we pause and offer reflective listening, it can transform everything.
Reflective listening involves mirroring what the other person says, either in your own words or even repeating theirs verbatim, and asking clarifying questions when we are unsure what we’ve heard. “Ahvioope? Can you tell me more?”
This small act can feel like pure magic.
Why?
Because when someone feels truly heard, tension drains, defensiveness dissolves, and the atmosphere softens. One person’s sense of being heard can ease suffering—for both.
It’s like Juney’s envelope moment. Instead of insisting on being understood, she found a new way to communicate that worked.
That’s what reflective listening is for grownups.
A Juicy Acronym: RASA
In Naked in the Now, I share an acronym from Julian Treasure’s TED Talk, “5 Ways to Listen Better.” It’s called RASA—a Sanskrit word meaning juice or essence.
RASA stands for:
Receive – Pay attention.
Appreciate – Show you’re listening (nods, “mm-hmm,” eye contact).
Summarize – Paraphrase what you heard.
Ask – Clarify gently: “Did I get that right?”
This practice invites us to step away from proving our point and instead enter a space of deep connection.
Juicy Practice: Try Reflective Listening
The next time someone shares something that triggers defensiveness in you, try this instead:
Stay quiet and listen fully. Use your body language to show attentiveness (eye contact, nodding, soft “mm”s).
When they pause, paraphrase or gently mirror what they said. Try: “What I’m hearing is…” or “It sounds like you’re saying…”
If something’s unclear, ask: “Can you tell me more about that?”
Tune in to their feelings: “It sounds like you’re feeling…” and ask if you got it right.
Resist the urge to jump in with your perspective. Just stay present.
Reflective listening doesn’t require agreement. It doesn’t mean you’re conceding. It just means you’re showing up to connect.
And it can be the biggest game-changer of all.
Communication Tools: Listening and Reframing
Reflective listening is a powerful practice—but it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. Some communication moments need gentleness and presence. Others? They call for internal pep talks and perspective shifts.
I laughed out loud reading a friend’s Substack recently, where she described a challenging exchange and offered herself some advice mid-trigger: “Reframe the shit out of this thing!”
That echoed in my mind the other day as I processed a tough conversation of my own. Reflective listening helped me stay present in the moment. Reframing helped me soften after.
Sometimes we need both: to listen well and to reinterpret gently.
Just a reminder: communication is an art, not a science. Keep trying, stay curious, and trust your own inner “ahvioope” to guide you.
Good News & Upcoming Events:
New Write Now Mind session starting June 2, 2025. Email me to preregister.
Next in-person Write by Red Rock: June 4, 2025, 12:30 pm at Blue Diamond Library.
Write by the Sea, ongoing Mondays at 2 pm via Zoom (invitation only). Email me if you’re interested!
$0.99 Kindle promotion for Naked in the Now starting May 29 (my birthday!) — available wherever you buy ebooks!
Try This:
This week, notice your own “Ahvioope” moments. When do you feel misunderstood? How can you use reflective listening to create connection? I’d love to hear your ‘ahvioope’ moments. What helps you feel heard? Reply to this email and share—I'm listening.
June's encouragement to communicate better--you got this!
Welcome to The Naked Nowletter! My community is for those seeking a deeper connection with their true essence and a more intimate relationship with themselves, others, and the unseen world. We explore authentic communication, connection, and what it means to get Naked in the Now. Each week, I share a personal story, enriching thoughts, and juicy practices—plus occasional links to articles that inspire presence and transformation.
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