Hello Kindred Spirit!

The Fortress of My Mind

Many years ago, I noticed a fortress in my mind—a place both protective and confining. I first wrote about it in a poem in my early book More: Journey to Mystical Union through the Sacred and the Profane, in a chapter called A Sexual Road Less Traveled. It was about fertile, uncharted territory—the ways our bodies can respond to things our minds balk at, and the courage it takes to explore them.

For me, the fortress appeared whenever my mind panicked: walls would rise, and curiosity felt trapped behind them—yet it was precisely that curiosity that eventually became my path back in, guided by trust, compassion, and moving slowly.

Curiosity and Compassion: Finding the Path Back

The other day, in conversation with a dear friend bravely revisiting childhood trauma while seeking closeness with her beloved, I remembered that feeling. On one hand, she wanted to protect her trembling self; on the other, she yearned to explore new intimate territory with courage. I shared how, once the walls were up, I often had to retreat and start over—but moving slowly, intentionally, and carefully across the same ground transformed the experience. It was a tightrope walk: navigating the mind’s quick “no!” while listening to the heart and body’s subtler “yes.”

I began to appreciate that my mind often goes straight to “no,” full of logical reasons meant to keep me safe—but that very safety can also keep me from living fully, ecstatically. I had to befriend my mind and invite my husband to do the same—treading lightly, checking in, noticing the mind’s fear and the body’s response, and seeking innocence reflected in another.

Since that conversation, I’ve been reflecting on the fortress of the mind—how it can block vitality, curiosity, and new experiences. Yet when we step back and re-invite the mind’s natural curiosity, it can shift from a fortress into an ally. The mind is not the enemy; it’s doing its best to protect us. Yet when it hardens into a stronghold and becomes the only voice we follow, we lose touch with the curiosity and compassion that could guide us back to fullness of life.

A Reader’s Reflection

Today, reading a beautiful review of Naked in the Now, I was struck by how much this fortress shows up in everyday life—not only in sexual exploration or early trauma. A reader wrote:

“I need this book desperately. How do I know? Because I’m fighting it. I am fighting the invitation to rest, to pause, to be, to play, to love.”

That sentence landed like a bell. Fighting the invitation to pause… isn’t that where so many of us live most of the time? Holding on tight, not letting the walls soften, not letting curiosity in.

She continued:

“When we are in go-go-go mode and struggling with certain life phases, transitions, and relationships, we tend to hold on tighter instead of loosening our grip a bit.”

Juicy Practice: Exploring Gently, Step by Step

Even as we notice resistance, there is a gentle way through—step by step. The goal isn’t to push past the mind’s protections all at once, but to return to the same ground slowly, with curiosity and compassion, noticing what arises and adjusting along the way.

What would it be like to approach this territory today with curiosity? Not to force it open or bypass it—but to observe, notice, and perhaps allow a single window to emerge.

• Can you take one small action—one ten-minute practice or mindful pause—to explore this space? (Feel free to contact me if you need one!)

• Can you notice what your mind wants to protect, and simultaneously invite curiosity, compassion, or a gentle sense of play?

• Perhaps journal, meditate, or move your body in a way that honors your curiosity.

The mind, which is wired to analyze, judge, and protect, is also naturally curious. One of the most compassionate things you can do for yourself is to start slowly and easily. We often assume that anything worth doing requires a lot of time or effort—but that’s not always true. Research and experience both show that small, consistent steps—taken with curiosity and a childlike sense of wonder—are often more effective than diving in full force. Even just ten minutes a day, or a week of small practice, can begin to shift your mind and body, opening the door to greater vitality, presence, and self-discovery.

Hit reply and share: When have you noticed your own fortress, and what’s helped you soften? I’d love to hear your reflections.

Closing Reflection

For me, the journey through my fortress taught me that while total letting go is akin to loss of control, getting there often requires a little finesse. Once the fortress of the mind is up, surrender is nearly impossible; we have to step back, start over, and move slowly—more slowly, with an easier entry—honoring what the mind insists should be protected, while opening space for curiosity, compassion, and the heart and body to guide the way. One small step—or perhaps one ten-minute practice at a time—this is how we reclaim ourselves: body, mind, and spirit.

Good News

I’m thrilled to share that Naked in the Now has recently received this beautiful review from a reader who was gifted the book by a participant in my Village Books workshop. Oh, how I love this growing community! The reader wrote:

It’s moments like this that remind me why I wrote this book—to offer simple, bite-sized practices that help us reconnect with ourselves and the present moment.

Upcoming Events

• Write Now Mind Session: Our new session has just started, and there’s still time to join! This practice provides a safe and supportive space to explore authentic expression and connect with your own voice through guided writing exercises. (Contact me if you are interested!)

• Write by Red Rock, In Person: September 3, 2025, at the Blue Diamond Library at 12:30 pm. Adult freewriting practice group.

• Write by the Sea, by invitation (but ask me!), Mondays, 1 pm Pacific via Zoom. A small community of dedicated writing and awareness practitioners diving into the meat of life authentically.

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Smiles,

​https://marijkemccandless.com

​Kirkus Reviews endorses Naked in the Now!​

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